tw- mental illness

Just sitting here staring at my cuticles feeling sad about living with mental illness for so long that I have no idea what it’s like to connect with people, communities or support. I’m so scared about telling everyone IRL the person I really am, and I’m so used to being able to do it in writing online… I just feel jumbled up.

I don’t have many friends, and I don’t have the capacity to be friends with many people. All of my friends are from the internet. It’s only when mum asks me where I met a particular friend that I realise I don’t have a charming story about meeting at a dinner party or a gym or a social group thing.

Apparently it’s unusual for a person of my age to be like this. Maybe I was an early adopter on the internet, maybe I used it to connect with people when I couldn’t go outside or make phone calls. Even my sisters don’t  get it.

But even though it is awesome that I’ve met so many people from so many places who’ve taught me more than I could have ever learnt at school or uni, I feel sad that I don’t have physical spaces to connect and perform ~me~ in… other than my own home. It’s pretty easy to mock people like me, whatever. It’s not like I don’t already feel like shit about it.

  1. asezawesome said: Everything you feel is how I feel. I understand every single word, Natalie. And I’m here. You can talk to me. I hope you know I adore you, just as you are, and support you in your journey.
  2. redsonja1181 said: Who is to say what is “unusual” or “normal”? Only you, as it is your life and you’re the only one who has to live it. I’m the same way, I have social anxiety and I have no friends IRL. Anyone who mocks you is an asshole not worthy of your time.
  3. thewomanofkleenex said: I don’t think statistically it’s that unusual to make lots of friends on the internet. I know I do. And, in the U.S. at least, 1 in 3 romantic relationships begins online. If people are dating online, surely they’re making friends there, too.
  4. atallyn said: Almost ALL my friends I’ve met online! I think that’s normal when you’re socially isolated for whatever reason. And it’s GOOD.
  5. pennyhedge said: gpoy =/
  6. tombtea said: If it’s unusual, I guess we’re both weirdos. You can always talk to me, if you’d like. I’d love to make friends with you. I have PTSD, and what you’re writing about sounds a lot like things I deal with. Anyway, take care. <3
  7. fancybidet posted this

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